Wrapping up SE Asia

One door closes, another one opens. I have officially reached the end of the solo portion of my trip. There is so much adventuring still ahead of me, yet I can’t help feeling bittersweet about saying goodbye to those months of my life. They came and went so fast. Time is whizzing by, and I am so not okay with it!

I’ve tried to wrap up my thoughts on this leg of the journey for a long time, but no words I’ve jotted down have felt monumental enough. The best way I can explain it is this: lately my experiences have lived more as feelings in my gut and my heart, less as stories in my mind. So, the words my brain spits out can’t seem to reach the intensity of what I felt. Not to pull this card, but I gotta say it; you just had to be there!

Regardless, here is my attempt. I love solo traveling! I love it because it is freeing. I love it because I needed this. I love it because, oddly enough, it’s made me feel less alone.

By far, the best connections I made were in Laos.

WHEN IN LAOS!!!!!

This was our mantra of the country. Our less-millennial version of “YOLO”. I made friends here who I would hop on a plane across the world to see again. Before Laos, I had started feeling a little hopeless with how everything abroad is temporary. Every sunset, every hostel check-out, every settled up dinner cheque, hug goodbye, flight out, all these tiny endings started to stack up. While this isn’t unique to travel, when you’re on the move every few days, you feel the impermanence more deeply.

In Laos, I felt a shift. It took me a full two months to settle in to this new “routine” as a backpacker, but here, things finally started to feel normal. I opened myself up, faced real challenges, learned hard lessons, and somehow, in this country most of us added to our itineraries as a “quick stop”, I found a once-in-a-lifetime pocket of connection.

I know that every backpacker will say they met the coolest people on their trip, but here’s why my cohort was actually the coolest:

I am traveling during SE Asia’s off-season. By November, all the summer girls’ trips have ended, the 9-5’s are back at their jobs, the resort vacationers aren’t on holiday yet, and of the unemployed, budget backpackers remaining; the weak have dwindled out after a month or so abroad. What’s left is this little group of like-minded people in similar life stages, traipsing around the continent and bumping into each other every now and then. Coincidentally, we all ended up converging in Laos, and sticking together for the whole country. A group of around 20, and within that, I was in a little trio I cherish and stay in touch with still. Hostels felt like giant university houses in the most wholesome way. I ended up cancelling a bunch of flights so I wasn't the first to leave. We raked through all of our itineraries, but none of us would overlap again, so this was the real goodbye. Tears were shed. Hearts were full.

Apart from the friendships, the second thing I loved most about Laos was the hiking! I did a three day jungle trek where I hiked and camped on top of a mountain, commuted by river on a tiny wooden boat, lived with a family in a local village, and traversed a portion of the Laos jungle. Laos is so underdeveloped that it felt like stepping back in time. The village I stayed in was maybe 500m long. Clothes were all made by hand, food was all harvested or caught by the river, there was no electricity, no internet, the modern world hadn’t sprawled this far yet. It was quiet, and slow. It reminded me what little you need and what’s most important.

Each major city in Laos has one top tourist attraction. (1) The bowling alley. It’s the only bar open past 11pm in Luang Prabang. A classic. (2) Tipsy Tubing. You float down a massive lazy river on an inner tube, with absolutely, positively, no alcohol or bars involved… Nada. Zilch. (3) Paramotoring. I chose this day to be cheap, and it just might be the biggest regret of my life. The worst $84 I’ve ever saved. I still went to the tarmac to watch the braver 2/3 of my trio take off, and felt a huge surge of adrenaline by proxy. Come on, Aleda! You make money to spend money! I’m usually great at spending money! I had yelled “when in Laos” at the top of my lungs a million times but faltered for one day and the lapse in our mantra haunts me. I would pay quadruple that price right now to go back to October 30th in Vang Vieng and paramotor over the mountains at sunset with my best travel friends. Let this be your sign. Do cool things. Spend the money. Buy the ticket, take the leap, whatever it may be. JUST DO IT!

CAMBODIA

I sprinted across Cambodia. I had 30 hours here. I had squished it to extend my time in Laos and to add another island in Indonesia. I think I would have preferred the coasts and islands of Cambodia to the city, Siem Reap. I know I would have enjoyed it more had I stayed longer. I was shocked at the food in Cambodia, though. Most menus had frog, rat, or insects on the menu. The hostel’s food tour featured a tarantula… as a meal.. I was not brave enough.

The whole reason I came to Cambodia was for Angkor Wat. To be honest, I thought it was a Wonder of the World (it is not), and I liked the idea of this being my third Wonder on this trip (it was not). Pro tip: don’t do what I did. The move for Angkor Wat is to buy the 3 day pass, rent a scooter, and explore on your own. The smaller temples ignored by the tours are the best, and are completely empty. 99.99% of tourists who visit Angkor Wat book a tour and visit the four most popular temples, myself included. I didn’t give myself enough time to follow all the recommendations I got once I met people in Cambodia.

I blame myself, for I did not set Cambodia up for success. I had spent a lot of money on cancelled flights, new flights, visas, tours, and honestly? Cambodia ended up being the only country that was not worth the money for me. My own doing! No time to dwell.

INDONESIA

Indonesia was worth it. Indonesia is so cool. And I only saw a fraction of what I want to see. Top of my list for next time: Java, the Gili Islands, and more of Lombok. Indonesia will be seeing me again.

I started in Bali, which felt like its own alternate universe. I knew Bali was catered to influencers, but I didn’t realize just how catered. It’s borderline dystopian. Not all of it, just certain areas. I booked a mid-range hostel instead of my usual bare minimum, so I was trapped in this influencer hub of westerners scared of being around the poor. The grass at my hostel was fake turf. There wasn’t a whiff of local food within the whole district. I’m honestly surprised Mark Zuckerberg isn’t one of their many gods. “In META we trust”. My gosh. Every sight, whether natural or man-made, had an instagram swing, an instagram waterfall, an instagram photo-op, an instagram-trained photographer, and on and on. I’ve heard great reviews of Bali. I just chose the wrong area to stay for my interests.

I made the right choices with the rest of Indonesia. The islands are stunning. I did feel the disadvantage of solo travel when I spent a gazillion dollars on transportation between airports, ferry ports, and hostels. They really force you into a corner there, eh?

On the islands, they don’t have ride share or taxis, so I rented a motorbike to get around! I found this little lean-to with a man renting scooters. I assured him I had driven one before. He didn’t ask for any information from me. Not even my name. He tossed me the key and went back to sleep in his shed. I had to wake him up a second time (it was 2pm, I don’t feel bad), tail between my legs, and confess that, “all the many other bikes I’ve driven before were different… so I don’t actually know how to drive thiiiiis one”. He saw right through me. Still let me take it, though! Showed me how to turn it on, how to go, how to stop, and promptly returned to his nap. I had a few sketchy turns and wobbles, my life flashed before my eyes once, but overall it was thrilling. There was one day I had spent biking around the island, stopping at all the beaches and viewpoints, and drove back at sun set with the sky blazing fiery red behind me and I felt like the main character in a coming-of-age movie.

I didn't know Indonesia had world-class diving before, but it’s full of divers. Some sports are reserved for really cool people. I count speed skating as one, and alpine skiing, surfing, you get the gist, and now, diving! I went snorkelling a whole bunch, and realized I am perfectly happy staying at the surface of the water. I do not feel the need to defy my lungs and hang out 100ft underwater. Skimming is plenty. I like air. Breathing = good.

Plus, I saw a TON with my trusty snorkel. I swam with manta rays, sea turtles, baby sharks, sting rays, and more fish than I’ve ever seen in my life.

I tried to be cool and take a surf lesson with a local surf instructor instead of joining the hostel group, but he turned out to be a pedo-creepo. It was the first time I genuinely felt scared for my safety abroad. Everything ended up okay, but it was a stark reminder that solo travel is different for women. Ironically, the biggest influence from India that I felt in Indonesia wasn’t religion or language, it was the men’s behaviour. I was back in a land of leering, fetishization, and targets on my back (or chest). Creepo surf instructor wasn’t the only one. Luckily, I met some amazing female, backpacker-surfer friends who took me out on a boat for a proper surf evening. I’m an embarrassingly awful surfer, but I had fun! I kept coming up with new excuses as to why I wasn’t catching the big waves. “Can’t one-up you!”, “Gotta sneeze!”, “Shark!”. They didn’t like that last one:(

I ended Indonesia with Komodo Island. I think it pulls through as my highlight of the country. Komodo National Park is the only place where komodo dragons live in the wild. They’re wild alright. They are real life dragons. They are poisonous, huge, and sneaky. They’ve killed quite a few people on that island (I learned afterwards). I also visited Pink Beach! So many times on this trip I have felt like I had been plucked and plopped down into a fairytale because these places all look so surreal and fantastical. They are real! Life is real!

As I close this chapter, I’m thinking again about endings, but more optimistically. I feel more open, and freer. I feel more confident, happier, and oriented (not directionally obviously, but the other kind). It feels less like an ending and more like a beginning of a new stage of life.

My support system has grown, my memories get stronger as time passes, and only the best ones live on. I am a better person because of the people I met and the things I saw. I am better connected with loved ones back home, because long-distance connection is deeper and challenging. I am more grateful than ever for my country, my whole family, Drew, and my privilege.

There are so many things I have yet to figure out. In fact, I literally have never been this ill-prepared for life, ever. But I feel proud of where I am and what I’m doing, and I trust now that where I’m going to be and what I’m going to do will be purposeful, fulfilling, and invigorating all the same.

Life is what you make of it :)

Peace,

Aleda